Jasmince Scented Love

Part 10

It was a breathtaking view - anyone would agree.

The glowing sun peeking out from behind the distant mountains reflected off the last of the morning dew, making the grass sparkle. A light mist remained in the air, bringing with it the scent of morning freshness. The horses in the barn had already been taken care of for the day, and were let loose to graze in the corral, their sounds of contentment carrying up to the nearby house.

Looking out the kitchen window at the back of the sprawling ranch house, Chris Larabee saw none of this. His dark green eyes took in the lone red head slouched in her customary lounge chair on the large deck that took up the majority of the yard. Her hands cradled around a steaming cup of hot chocolate for warmth, she stared off into the distance, no focus to her gaze.

Sighing in sympathy at the pain he knew she was in - and would carry for the rest of her life - Chris wondered whether he should push the issue, or let her mourn in relative peace.

Willow had been with him for over a week, and had yet to show interest in much of anything. She would have starved to death already if he hadn’t been forcing her to eat three times a day. Even now, the mug of hot chocolate wouldn’t pass her lips, yet she made cup after cup.

He wanted to give her the time she needed, to soften the loss of Tara and deal with what had happened in her dark period of grief, but he had a strong suspicion that she wasn’t doing either. Chris was almost certain that she was wallowing in the memory and loss of the one she loved.

He knew, because he’d done the same thing, until a little red headed brat had come and dragged him kicking and screaming back into the world.

Now it was his chance to return the favour.

He’d thought he’d accomplished it when he’d badgered her out of her room four days previously. Not long after they’d arrived from Sunnydale, the red head had holed up in her room, not even coming out for food. Only the sounds of her quiet sobbing letting him know she was still there. He’d tried to be patient and understanding, qualities most that knew him would say he lacked, but four days ago he’d reached the end of what little patience he had.

Looking at her now, he sighed again and wondered whether this vacant stare into space was any better. Occasionally a few silent tears would find their way down her cheeks, but other than that - nothing.

Feeling movement along his pant leg, the blonde looked down. Annoyance flared as he watched Willow’s cat rub more of her fur onto his black pants - as if there wasn’t enough of it already decorating his house. Between the cat and his dog, Barney, Chris wondered if there was any furniture under all the pet hair. Barney, at least, had learned to stay out of certain areas of the house.

Seeing the feline continuously twine herself around his legs, depositing more light coloured fur with every pass, Chris glared. A full-blown, lethal dosage of the Larabee glare.

Which Miss Kitty studiously ignored.

“Better watch it, Cat.” he warned the animal. “Or I’ll let Barney use you as a chew toy.”

The dark husky had taken an instant dislike to the feline - a case of two alphas for one pack. It was only due to the tight control Chris had over the dog that saved the cat from serious damage. Though at times Chris wished he’d let the dog take a piece out of the furball, just to put her in her place.

In response to his threat, Miss Kitty held her head high and flicked her tail as she made her way out to Willow’s side through the open patio door.

With one more glance at the sombre red head, Chris’ decision was made. He would help her move past this point, like she had done for him.

Turning from the window, he left to make some preparations.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two hours later, Chris silently congratulated himself. After gathering some items from the house, he’d saddled the horses and gone to retrieve his daughter. Neither had said a word as he took her hand and led her to the barn.

A small smile had curved her lips as she renewed her acquaintance with her chocolate and white horse - Cookie Crumble.

Remembering Willow’s smile had evaporated any annoyance he held in regards to the animal’s name.

“Why are we here?” asked Willow curiously, looking around the clearing they had stopped at. They were the first words she’d spoken in longer than he cared to remember.

Following her gaze around the hidden glen, Chris had no trouble deciphering what was going through her mind. She’d only been here once before, but knew that this was his special place. This was where he came to remember Sarah and Adam - a place not even Buck knew about.

Memories of the past filled Chris’ head; specific moments in his past that were inextricably linked to this place.

He remembered saying ‘I love you’ to a petite blonde he’d only known a few weeks. Later, proposing to the same woman after a candlelight picnic. He remembered the same woman all but ordering him to find the child of his out there somewhere, saying that she would adore him or her simply because they were a part of Chris. A thousand moments of his small family spending time playing and laughing in the sun in this same clearing.

There were so many happy memories for him, that this was where he’d brought Willow when they’d spread his family’s ashes - all that was left after the explosive fire.

Without saying a word, Chris dismounted, reached into his saddle bags, and pulled out a rather plain-looking clay pot. Motioning for her to follow him, Chris moved toward the large patch of wild-flowers that bloomed without fail every year.

Hearing her come to a stop beside him, Chris turned to her, holding out the jar.

“It’s time to let her rest.” he said quietly, repeating her own words back to her, from the only other time she’d been to the glen.

’You need to let them rest.’ Fifteen-year-old Willow told her bleary-eyed father, not totally convinced that he was even remotely sober. It had been an indescribable battle to get him out here in the first place, and he still seemed determined to hold out until the bitter end. ‘Clinging so tightly to their memories will slowly destroy your own life.’

‘What if that’s what I want?!’ he rasped angrily back, his voice as rough as his unshaven face. They both knew he wasn’t really mad at her, but her presence gave his anger and loss something to focus on. ‘They were my everything - my world. Now, I have nothing.’

‘You have me.’ she said quietly after a moment, and even through the alcohol and anger, the father inside him heard the underlying question of her worth to him. His anger deflating even as his shoulders slumped in place.

‘Yes.’ he replied softly, looking at the future of his family, finding something worth living for, once he started looking. ‘I do.’

The daughter he loved beyond reason.

“I don’t know if I can.” Willow told him, tears beginning to fill her eyes. “I have this gaping hole where my heart used to be, but at the same time my chest feels tight - constricted - like it’s about to burst.”

“You can’t hole-up in your memories, shutting the world out.” he told her gently. “Tara wouldn’t have wanted that.”

Tears began to silently fall down her face at the truth behind his words. Tara wouldn’t have wanted her to grieve to the point of self-destruction.

“What if I can’t do it?” she asked, still not facing Chris and the offering he held out. “What if I’m not strong enough to go on alone?”

“No one said you had to do this alone.” he told her, finally becoming the focus of her teary gaze. “Let her spirit rest. She’ll always live on in your memories. You need to cherish them, not exist in them.”

Holding the jar further toward her, Chris willed her to take it with every part of his being.

“Is that . . . her?” Willow asked shakily, motioning to the clay jar he still held at arms length.

“I called the Sunnydale morgue and found they’d already cremated her body, so I had them send it here.” he explained, conveniently not mentioning that he’d used some magic in the endeavour. He justified it by arguing that it was the only way to get the witch’s remains sent to a non-relative, without any paperwork or other stumbling blocks.

“Tara would have loved this place.” she commented, finally taking the container that held what remained of her lover into trembling hands. She absently noted that it was the same handmade urn that had held Sarah and Adam more than seven years ago. “Will they mind? Sharing this place, I mean?”

“I think they’ll love the company.” Chris answered truthfully.

The breeze picked up, as if the ghosts that resided there answered on their own. The faint scent of jasmine wafted across her senses, and Willow felt as if Sarah herself had bestowed her blessing.

Smiling softly, Willow moved a few paces toward the centre of the glen, clay jar clasped firmly against her chest.

“I will always love you.” Willow began, speaking into the air, where hopefully Tara’s spirit resided and listened. “You saw parts of me that no one ever has before, and loved me even more because of them. I will always keep you in my heart, even though I lost a big part of it when you - you left.”

“I still can’t say it, because it doesn’t seem real at times. I keep expecting to wake up next to you, finding out that this was all a horrible dream. But it ‘s not a dream, and I need to let go of that. I miss you with every beat of my heart, and I will for a long time to come. I know I can’t hold on to you forever, but I will love you for as long as my soul exists. Good-bye my love.”

“Oh, and take good care of Sarah and Adam. We both still miss them very much, and I’m sure you’ll get along really well.”

With that, Willow opened the earthen pot and allowed the sudden breeze to catch Tara’s ashes as they fell, spreading them around the tranquil clearing. There truly was something mystical about this glen, as the jasmine scented breeze spread the ash to the boundaries of the clearing, and no further.

With a few final tears, Willow turned and went back to her horse. She needed time to absorb what had just happened, and begin making plans for the future. A great weight had been lifted off her shoulders, but the ache still remained in her head and in her heart.

Chris watched her go, his own heart lightening a little. He’d known exactly what she was going through, especially when it came to the strength of her emotions. Willow was very much like him, in that they both felt everything very deeply. It was a trait that remained in their family since the early days - when they fell in love, it was fast and hard. The loss of a loved one hit even harder, and more than a few of his ancestors hadn’t survived it.

“Take good care of her.” Chris whispered into the wind. “I love you both.”

Turning, the blonde man made his way to his daughter and the horses, all the while mentally making plans for the next few days.

He would start her formal training tomorrow, but first there was a task that needed to be done that day.

He needed to take his daughter shopping. She’d been living in what was left in her room, but clothes that worked when she was fourteen wouldn’t work long term.

As he mentally racked up everything she would need, Chris silently groaned. A full day of shopping loomed in his future. Memories of hauling Adam around behind him, as he followed Sarah and Willow from store to store filled his mind.

But he would endure it all, just to see his not-so-little girl smile.

End

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